I've got going

So, I'm still reading the motivation chapter of the book. It's been a hard one to read, partly because being brutally honest with myself is never pleasant, and it means I have to face some home truths. But I will persevere.

This last 7 days I have been swimming twice, and to the gym once. I have to admit to having some anxiety tonight prior to swimming - no real idea why but just really struggled with going out. But I went it.

I have really enjoyed swimming, rhythmically going up and down the pool, and the refreshing feel I get when submerging my head in the water. And trying to keep going, and do more, to reach a target, or beat what I had the previous time (which didn't happen this time). its difficult to describe but. That feeling of flowing through the water, being in that moment, not worrying about anything else (except maybe a stray or slower swimmer). 

The gym went well too. It fair to say I got very sweaty, but for the last 10 mins I was the only one in the gym. Which was quite nice. 

I'm trying I really am. I will get there. All being well, come October and should I be offered a marathon place, I will have got myself to a decent place where I can concentrate on marathon training.

Mental health and exercise

There is much available to read about the benefits of exercise to improve mental health. So I decided to delve into a book that actually offered the chance to properly explore motivational thoughts (and unmotivating thoughts), not just read and and try to absorb.

So I found this book: 8 Steps to Mental Health through Exercise by Dr. Christina Hibbert. So far, I have completed three chapters, and it has really allowed me to delve much deeper into my thoughts that stop me from exercising, as well as exploring what my benefits of exercise would be. Interesting that whilst she offers information into the benefits of exercise, her questions allow you to explore your own reasonings. I wonder whether you have to be the right frame of mind to allow yourself to do that, but so far I have been really honest with myself.

So right now, I am working on the Motivation chapter. The hardest chapter so far for me. And I guess in some ways this is probably the key chapter in the book to try and work through. Having not yet looked further this is likely to be he chapter to help kick one's butt back into action.

But I ask myself some questions more personally:
*why having run since April 2014 am I still struggling to find enjoyment and accepting the benefits of exercise to mental health?
* why can't I get myself sorted out? I want to go out running and swimming and cycling, but I now particularly struggle with the thoughts that having not exercised since January my fitness has gone downhill and I'll just be a red-faced ball mess after about 5 minutes. What is stopping me from just getting my running gear on and going out?

Yesterday I had my first vague medal envy this year. Is this a sign things are on the up?

I can't be the only person to go through this. But yet I feel very alone in this.