Round up 2015

I have a habit of being very critical of myself,particularly when things haven't gone as well as I would have liked. It's unlikely that I am the only person to do this to themselves.

However, I have come through 2015 with some by nice medals and achievements which I know I should be very proud of considering I wasn't running for 5 weeks over the winter due to injury, and the. Struggling with anxiety and depression, which impacted hugely on my motivation to run, and as a result had most of the summer of no running.

So in 2015 I managed to complete:

Stubbington 10k

ABP Southampton 10k

Tri Try Winchester triathlon

Perform 5 mile

Great South Run 10miles

Victory 5 mile

Pirate 8mile

Great Run family run at the Olympic Stadium.

In addition to these I did some virtual runs raising money for other charities during the year too. 

So all in all I've had a pretty good year considering. What about next year? I have some races lined up already, including a half marathon in April. I still have 34 events to do for my #fortyb4forty challenge, which will include parkruns as they are timed events, and there is scope to improve on my 5k time as the year progresses, as well as hopefully completing 50 parkruns (big milestone). I might do a triathlon later in the year, we will see. But for the meantime, I am feeling fairly optimistic that next year will be a good year again.  

Volunteering

If you run at events, one might have noticed all the marshals and event organisers who are standing at various strategic points encouraging and directing runners in th right direction (there is the odd occasion where marshals have gone missing - who knows where!!!!). 

This morning, instead of running at Parkrun I decided to volunteer after responding to a plea for volunteers. Now, I do still have my #fortyb4forty challenge in mind and this puts me behind another week. However, ther is such a fab feeling of saying well done to runners when they come in, and giving instead of always receiving.

Parkrun is completely dependent on volunteers to go ahead, and it's an hour of my time to give to runners who have also given up their time and volunteered in the past. It's also great to scan in friends barcodes and congratulate them. 

So maybe next week I'll find a parkrun.

Goal setting

Just a short musing.

Fairly recently I mentioned to a running club friend that by the end of the year I wanted to be able to run 4 miles continuously. I managed it last weekend, and I'd like to know whether by the end of year I can run it again.

Event 6/40 #fortyb4forty

So, after my little blurt out this morning, I completely exceeded all my expectations.

1. I ran the entire distance of 5 miles

2. My average pace came in less than 12 min/mile

3. I completed it less than an hour.

I'm really chuffed. Am waiting for the official time, but still very happy.

It was very windy. At different points on the course I was hit by the wind in different directions. It made my run easier when it buffeted me along along the path. But it didn't rain. Nor was it particularly cold I thought. 

I know that I don't need to get myself so wound up pre-race as much as I do. I think today I felt that I just didn't have the miles in my legs to run 5 miles in one go. Clearly having company on the run made a huge difference as well, and I am very grateful for my team members.

I will acknowledge that the feelings I get are very real but I was able to beat them today.

I am pleased I did go. 

Please don't judge

Sometimes I wonder why I carry on running. I find the motivation to do it difficult, and swimming is more my natural sport. 

As a result of struggling with mental health difficulties this year (and still struggling) running has been much harder this year than it was last year. As a result of not making it to training because of low feelings,  I don't have the miles in my legs as I did this time last year, my running times and distances are not as good as this time last year. This makes me cross with myself, then I start thinking that I can't hen do something, which in turn switches off the motivation, and cycle goes round and round and round.

As I write this I am making my usual pre-run breakfast of porridge with juice, and then it'll be a cuppa. Today it's a 5 mile race, which is also our club championship race as well. Not that I will win a prize. I entered because I wanted to do one thing a month for the running club. This contributes to my #fortyb4forty challenge as well. Plus, I do want to prove to myself that I am capable of doing something.

I definitely don't have 5 running miles in my legs, but 5 walk/run miles, and I can stride out pretty quickly. But I have such a heavy feeling that I don't want to race today. I'm going to go, as I am picking someone up on the way. All the feelings of being last, a failure, what if I start crying because I get anxious on the way round,what if I struggle because it's really windy. These feelings are so real for me at the moment.

I wish my blog could always be an uplifting and inspirational blog that running is fantastic and I love it. I don't love it. I do like it, a lot of the time, but today this is what I feel at times. I could just ignore what's happening inside me, but I can't. These feelings really bully me, and take over. 

So, I will post later post-race.