Half way

So today, I did my 20th event of #fortyb4forty. To recap I have done:

8 X 5km 

3 X 5 miles

4 X 10k

1x quarter-marathon

1 X 8 miles

1 X 10 miles

2 X half-marathon

I feel I should be more excited!!!! It's a downwards journey to counting down. 20 to go. Instead I am quietly contemplating the journey I have done so far - mentally and physically.

But it feels that the end is in sight. I will be honest, and at the moment, I will be glad when this challenge is finished. I'd love to beat my £500 fundraising target. I'm about £5 short of £300 which is amazing frankly.

I haven't entered any races recently and so far I have a 5k, a 10k and a 10 mile race already entered. So I'll need 17 more events............

Trying not to feel guilty

Today was the first time I have pulled out of a race due to having a cold and having shortness of breath (SOB) with it during my challenge.

I feel incredibly guilty that I couldn't manage it. The condition for the race were perfect - dry, not too hot, flat course. But even walking was testing my ability to hold a conversation without getting too breathless.

It was the sensible option. Last time I ran with a cold and SOB  I struggled. Really struggled. And I finished that run feeling worse than when I started.

Today should have been the 20th event of #fortyb4forty. Halfway. 

Anyway, I'm not going to let it get me down, I'm going to get better, get back out running, and move on and do the 20th event soon. 

Ponderings

I have just been seeing so many posts on Facebook about Endure- a 24 hour running event where you try as a team, a pair, or solo, to run as many laps as possible in a 24 hour period. I can honestly say I am completely awed by the commitment, endurance, team work and camaraderie that clearly came across in all these posts on my news feed. 

3 weeks ago I completely the Ox Half. As mentioned in my previous blog post, it was a test of my mental and physical endurance. Since then I have not been out for a run until today. It took about a week to recover from this half. I was soooo tired. My muscles also took a few days to recover. Not surprisingly, but unlike after the Southampton half marathon, I have not entered yet entered another race.

It's hard to put into words how I feel about running, or just exercise in general at the moment. Usually once I'm out there I'm fine and I get on with it. But why is the motivation to actually get my gear on and out the door so hard to do? I've heard people say that one should just get out there and do it. No messing around around, no feeling sorry for yourself. Just do it. Easy, right? Sounds like it should be. 

As a child I was a swimmer. I belonged to a club, trained at least twice a week, with lifesaving club, and synchronised swimming in top of that. Not that I excelled in synchro, but it was good fun all the same, and I can still skull my way up and down a swimming pool on my front and back with considerable ease, as I found out at a tri swimming training a while back!! 

I am determined to turn my mental health around. To not use it as an excuse all the time to not do something. In all aspects of my life. It's hard fighting against a voice that tells you it's not worth it, that you can't do this, that and the other, why did I start the fortyb4forty challenge, you need rest, too tired, I haven't eaten properly. So many excuses. But I want to fight them, and it's probably going to take baby steps, but I will get there. 

So that's where I am. My usual battle with an inner voice of a child who is being rebellious.